i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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