She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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