my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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