I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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