____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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