they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
