after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
