So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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