I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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