So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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