Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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