So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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