In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
