Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
