You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
