Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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