Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
