wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
