I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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