i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
