Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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