the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
