you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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