I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
