I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
