I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
