i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
