a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
