I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Your dad touched me again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
