i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
