the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
