Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
