Are we in a gay sports bar?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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