here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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