I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
