That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
