Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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