Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
