the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
