I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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