Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
