I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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