How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
