sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
