He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
