Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
