Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
