dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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