You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize