I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
