how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
