bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
