I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
