there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
