He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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